Due to the number of choices available, deciding what to wear or what to eat is no longer as easy as it used to be. Now, if such simple things could be so complicated, deciding what to do for the rest of your life is definitely going to be much more so.
Regardless, it was not difficult for me to choose my major. I had been taking business courses since high school and continuing to do that in university was the obvious choice. I had a slightly difficult time choosing what to major in but eventually I ended up majoring in Finance and minoring in Accounting. It was interesting and I met a lot of unique people. I was happy and hopeful. But things went downhill after I graduated.
I was unemployed but I had plans to rectify that by taking the CFA exam(Finance certificate). I was counting on that to help launch me beautifully into the world of Finance. However, shortly after, I started having health problems. My hips were hurting so much, I could barely sit. I went to the doctor and was told that there was a problem with my muscles because I gained weight. Luckily,it wasn’t something that couldn’t be fixed. I had to exercise and reduce a few pounds to become healthier. After doing rehabilitation, I felt better and even though I was planning to take the CFA and knew I had to work hard for it, I still felt bored and got myself a job.
It was an accounting job. My friend introduced me to the company. I was only planning on staying till I passed the CFA. I was free for the first month and spent my time studying for the CFA. Work started coming in the second month but because I wasn’t serious about the job in the first place, I did not do well. My work was sloppy and messy. My supervisor was very unsatisfied and I had to redo my work over and over again. On top of that, I had to exercise and frequently get up to stretch or my muscles would start aching, leaving me in pain.
Soon enough, the day of the exam came. I did not do well as I had too many things on my plate but I hoped that I would make it. A few days after the exam, I was called out by my supervisor and was told that my services would no longer be required. I stayed for a few more days and during those days my result came out. It was not what I was hoping for.
I was fired and failed what I thought would help kickstart my career. I was miserable and began looking for jobs. All I got were calls for accounting jobs and that made the situation worse. Eventually, I accepted a job for the position of accounting analyst.
This time I worked really hard. I concentrated and made sure my work was presentable. I passed probation and was proud of myself.
But before long, I began wanting to do something else. The work is interesting, however, it isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. I am merely helping the company become more efficient. There is not enough meaning in that. In addition, with my health problems, I know that sitting in the office from 9am to 6pm for another 20 years or so would do me more harm than good.
Hence, I began searching again. I looked at what I might be interested in. What might be a stable and prestigious job that I would like.
I couldn’t find one.
Inspired by buddhism, I changed the way I looked at things. I stopped finding answers from the outside and began looking from within. I focused on my capabilities,values,core beliefs and desires.
It hit me then. The only thing that would make me feel complete is working to help someone else. I want to guide people in dealing with life. I wish to listen and assist them in finding ways to enrich their life.
I know that technologies would keep advancing. Amazing attractions and buildings would keep being built. Medicines never heard of would be produced in the future. But people? People would be the same. Fear,anger,anxiety,worry,sadness,joy and other emotions would forever be a part of a person’s life and there is nothing that would change that. It is timeless.
The next question then presented itself automatically: Who helps people deal with these feelings? A teacher, a therapist, a psychologist and so on. So isn’t this what I should be studying to achieve my objective? Yes indeed.
But I began doubting myself. What if I can’t do it? I studied finance and look at where I am. What if after spending more years studying and I still end up being unemployed? Self doubt eats at my heart and gnaws at my soul. I am too afraid to take the next step.
After engrossing over this, it suddenly occurred to me that there is nothing that would guarantee anything. Life is unpredictable and there are no certainties. It’s just how it is. You must take that leap of faith and believe in yourself. Find who you are. It may take time but it is never too late.
Right now I am yet in the middle of deciding what to do. I do not know what the future holds but I intend to make that jump.
I hope you would too.
